you were all i wanted but not like this - rafe cameron
pairing: rafe cameron x reader (fem!reader)
WARNINGS: angst <3; just angst.
watched mamma mia and remembered how sam pissed me off when he left donna lmao; self indulgent honestly (haven't written in like a month so decided to get back into it with a smaller piece); hope you enjoy!
you should’ve known better.
the weight of realization presses upon you like an anvil on your chest, each breath drawn heavy with the gravity of the situation.
sleeping with a guy on the same day you met him? risky.
proceeding to spend the next three months with him? delusional.
falling for him while simultaneously knowing nothing about his life back home? stupid.
the sting of embarrassment gnaws at you and it feels like you're rotting inside.
you want to scream, to rage against the unfairness of it all, make a f*cking scene out of it. of all people roaming the earth…rafe had to be the one your cousin was dating.
rafe, as in your summer romance rafe, your rafe.
oh my god!
he didn’t even tell you his surname, didn’t tell you sh*t and yet, just weeks ago, you were ready to move halfway across the world in hope of finding him again.
you should've seen the warning signs flashing in neon bright before you. the damage is done, the wounds self-inflicted.
rafe's eyes widen imperceptibly as the pieces of the puzzle fall into place, fitting together with a sickening clarity, a flicker of recognition crossing his features before he quickly masks it with a practiced smile.
but you see it, that moment of realization, and it only fuels the fire of anger burning within you.
"so, rafe cameron," you say, each word laced with a bitter edge that you can’t quite suppress, "so nice to meet you."
his million-dollar smile falters ever so slightly, a faint tremor betraying the cool exterior he tries so desperately to maintain.
“pleasure's all mine.”
yeah sure it f*cking is.
you don’t utter another word to him. as you navigate through the party, each step feels heavier than the last, burdened by the weight of your self-recrimination. the pulsating beat of the music throbs in your temples, matching the rhythm of your racing thoughts. you move through the crowd with mechanical precision, engaging in polite conversation. you plaster on a fake smile and pretend like everything is fine.
what the f*ck? how did you let yourself get in this situation in the first place? it’s a new kind of low, even for you. and why is the cameron household so confusing to walk around?
you can barely see straight with the headache taking place in your mind, the bright lights only wanting to make you burst into tears now and then.
“let me explain.”
rafe comes out of nowhere, ambushing you before you can get to the door.
a groan slips past your lips, “go f*ck yourself.”
“let me,” rafe pleads, his tone tinged with desperation, eyes roaming your face for so long.
a bitter laugh bubbles up from deep within you, incredulous at the audacity of his request, “you think i wanna hear anything you have to say?”
he sighs, closing his eyes, “'meant every thing i said back in skopelos, okay? i didn’t lie.”
“you didn’t tell me sh*t,” your voice strains to keep calm, “not about you, not about your family, not about a f*cking girlfriend, you said nothing. a summer flling, yeah i get it, i can get past that. but making me the other woman? are you serious?!”
you had allowed yourself to be swept away by his charm, by the promise of something more.
“there was no girlfriend!” he says, but you don’t believe him, squinting up at him with a frown.
“right,” your voice is monotonous, “you got back, what? three weeks ago and magically got one.”
“we weren't together, broke up with her, i swear— n'then you left, i thought i was never gonna see you again."
are you that easily replaceable?
if he cares so much why didn't he look for you? why didn't he break his stupid rules and ask for you number like a normal human being?
“oh go eat a co*ck.”
you turn on your heels, ready to put an end the conversation and to never see him again. you can feel your nails starting to break the skin on your palm and the subtle taste of copper on your tongue.
“hey—hey, hey, baby wai—“
as soon as his hand touches your arm, you’re pushing him away as hard as you can, tears gathering in the corner of your eyes, “don’t you dare. touching me is a privilege you do not have.”
the pain of betrayal, the humiliation of being used and discarded. you feel so stupid. tears cascade down your cheeks like raindrops on a windowpane, the weight of your emotions threatening to engulf you.
“please don’t cry,” rafe begs, fingers itching to hold you, “baby—“
“stop!” your voice cracks with anguish as you choke back a sob, wrapping your arms around yourself, seeking solace in the warmth of your own embrace, “just stop.”
“i don’t have a choice here,” his voice comes out all rough, as he tries not to cave in and cry, “you think i want to be with her when i could be with you? you—jesus, d-do you not understand how hard is it—“
“don’t finish that sentence,” the anger in your voice cuts through the air like a knife, your words dripping with bitterness and hurt, “it’s hard for you? you?!”
rafe opens his mouth to answer, but he finds it hard to pass the thick lump in throat, “i didn’t mean it like that.”
“you never do.”
his gaze falls to the ground, unable to meet your accusing eyes. he knows he messed up, knows he's hurt you deeply. can’t even find it in himself to explain, tell you how it’s all his father’s fault, that he only got back with her because ward told him to.
how pathetic would that sound?
‘'m sorry," he whispers, his voice barely audible over the din of the party, “’m so f*cking sorry.”
but his apology feels hollow, empty, like a bandage over a gaping wound. the damage has been done, irreparable and raw. you shake your head, unable to find it in yourself to forgive him,
“too late."
